What did the football coach say to the broken candy machine? Give me my quarterback!
What do Nebraska and marijuana have in common? They both get smoked in a bowl.
What runs along the edge of the pitch but never moves? The sideline!
I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms: Truman's and Eisenhower's.
- Alex Karras
Which football player wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head
Why don't grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket!
What does a Minnesota Vikings fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
What do receivers catch after running downfield? Their breath
What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator? The elevator can raise a child.
Our players have a lot on the ball. Unfortunately, it’s not usually their hands.
What do Lionel Messi and a magician have in common? Both do hat-tricks!
What do you call a 350 pound Packer fan? An anorexic
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag. A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Why can't Ryan Fitzpatrick use the phone anymore? A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Why is the Vanderbilt football team like a possum? Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
The bartender asks the man what the dog would do if they score a touchdown, and the man replies “I don’t know, I’ve only had him for three years.
The last time I played tackle football without pads l broke three ribs and a collar bone. Fortunately, none of them were mine.
A wife told her husband that he put football before their marriage. “That’s not true,” he said. “After all, this is our fourth season together.”
What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys.
What do football players wear on halloween? Face Masks!
Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football? It was a superb-owl.
Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team? They needed a little team spirit.