Benson Bruno quotes

Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.
- Benson Bruno

If I weren't too proud, I'd boast of my exaggerated opinion of myself.
- Benson Bruno

When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you've been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion.
- Benson Bruno

I don't know the kind of person I'll be tomorrow, but I'll be able to look back on yesterday and ask, 'What was that guy's problem?' The future is full of condescending jerks.
- Benson Bruno

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.
- Benson Bruno

The second you think a situation is hopeless, it suddenly loses all meaning. A situation is a case, condition, or state of affairs.
- Benson Bruno

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.
- Benson Bruno

One day you're innocent, then circumstances find you in an unlikely situation and you wonder how you could have been so stupid.
- Benson Bruno

I don't just go birdwatching during mating season because I'm some kind of deviant voyeur. No, pornithology makes real contributions to science, too.
- Benson Bruno

The nice thing about being an empty-headed pessimist is that that your glass is only half air.
- Benson Bruno

Nowadays, all a man can do to be original is to cite the earliest known quote on that subject. Women, though, have no problem being original. In fact, women are always being original. I constantly have to tell my wife to stop talking so much nonsense.
- Benson Bruno

Passion is the act of people becoming suddenly, terribly, accidentally important. The only thing more unfair than passion's arousal is its inevitable fading: they become memorable.
- Benson Bruno

It's commonplace to nitpick on minor faults. But to actually improve on those minor faults - that's just tedious.
- Benson Bruno

Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.
- Benson Bruno

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.
- Benson Bruno

In the end, single people either get boring, or they stay divorced.
- Benson Bruno

Snufflers are afraid to experience the abundant possibilities of air, its hidden flurries of ferment. The denial of life is strong in the nose-breather.
- Benson Bruno

When trees are blocking your horizon, build a balcony. The sunset will be breathtaking, but not as literally as the stumps.
- Benson Bruno

When someone wants to become an astronaut and others are skeptical that will ever happen, I suddenly understand why the world is too small for that person.
- Benson Bruno

Beautiful women baffle me, but homely women insult my bafflement.
- Benson Bruno